The fear of being alone

The weekend after the 8/8 Lionsgate Portal 2019, and after my counterpart contacted me, Source sent me a video of a reader I never watched before. This woman had a specific message from a Divine Masculine to his Divine Feminine. Through the whole reading, I resonated with absolutely everything she said. This DM was my counterpart. He wanted me to understand why we both are experiencing this journey in permanent physical separation without a crossing point in this lifetime.

There are beings out there who chose a very hard and challenging life path – not just in this lifetime or Universe – to be able to know why we are purging and healing anything. Those beings chose to experience life from the “rock bottom” from the very beginning of their lifetime here on earth.

What do I mean with that? Well, of course, you neither know as a kid while you have scary visions or dreams nor while you’re experiencing “bad” things that this is kind of a “rock bottom” why you are experiencing these specific events. And you’ll never know until you’re able to reflect past experiences at a deep level and to forgive at the same time because you learned something out of it – even when you “just” learned it in the background, so subconsciously. At the right time, every event and the why will be revealed. So, until you figure it all out you experienced something just then, right – your mind is the one who builds a construct of different explanations, feelings or emotions after the event because we were conditioned to do so.

For instance: At the age of 10, my 20 years older half-sister died suddenly, out of the blue on a Saturday morning … The day went well for me, and I remember, I had the urge to visit her in the morning. But my Mom said no. In the late evening at 9.30pm, the bell ringed and my 18 years older half-brother came up the stairs. I was so happy to see him. Before he reached the door, I was able to feel a shift in the energies – what I know now. I took a closer look at his face, saw sorrow. My behavior changed completely, shifted into; “There’s something wrong!” – as he asked for Dad (at this point in time, my Mom, brother and I lived alone, and he visited us). I became very attentive, alarmed and observed what happens next. The following scene happened: My Brother stepped in. I closed the door. His facial expressions and tearful eyes threw my Dad right into a panic state. He began to shake my brother, who wasn’t able to speak. I stepped away from them, my heart already contracting as the undeniable truth followed. She’s dead. She died today morning. My world turned black instantly. Something took me out of this event because of this intense energy. I couldn’t hear or see anything, was just surrounded by blackness, a thick concretion, or bulk. I felt myself moving and squat me in a corner – in actual fact, my body wasn’t moving at all. There neither was a pain as we know it nor sorrow within me. Beforehand was fear, but not my own. I was scared of how my Dad was acting out his fear. After the event, there was nothing, until my mind came back in. As an empath, you interpret surrounding energies as your own. So did I since that time.

Now I know, that was rock bottom, and an afterward mind made core wound accrued. This was another step in the spiral I had to go through. There was the urge to be able to heal ego-based loss during this Twin Flame Journey, once and for all for me and the collective – and, to be able to forgive me, Source and anyone else, sharing love nevertheless. I experienced the blackness two more times, and years later; as I was facing death again in the hospital regarding a good friend, who had an accident – and, you won’t believe it, as I stood in front of all people in school and had to sing the first verse of “Heal the world”.

Throughout the years, I was able to look back, reflect and understand why this happened to me. And every time I experienced another event I fell back into the hole, but not that deep. So, I still hike up this spiral, facing one fear after another in order to heal, learn, and prepare myself for what comes next. So-called Shadow work.

So, as soon as you give your power to another person, whichever way you look at it, you have to find the major fear in yourself. AND, it’s exactly the same in every human being. The fear of being alone. As soon as you understand this one huge issue of the human mind, you’re able to see the different expressions of humans attitudes, which point toward it. We’re carrying this fear in our DNA, since lifetimes, and it’s deeply embodied in the collective pain body as well.

See, that’s why we choose to surround ourselves with people who aren’t good. We know it but decide to do it this way nevertheless. That’s why some of us start to smoke, have a drink, take drugs, please people, addictions and obsessions of every kind, overeating, avoid eating or to not be able to eat alone at all. Everyone has to face his own issue, of course.

That’s also the reason why my counterpart lacked commitment, and I was scared about to stay fully in my authentic truth. He preferred to choose consciously to stay alone instead to commit to me because he was scared of another loss. I instead apologized for taking back my power, to stick with my decision – because I was too scared to lose him. Do you see what was going on? We both fucked up.

This is the reason I remember these events. I am not alone. I never was. And I never will be. That’s what Spirit wanted to let me know. And I understand now why the EFF I HAD to stay isolated and alone most of the time in this journey – Source forced me to understand finally what’s really going on.

Now I see. Clearly. It’s another art of surrender. The resistance of being alone was strong in me, and obviously, vice versa. I released a lot of this fear the last days by crying the whole day until I had no power to resist anymore. I am actually embodying this feeling of allowance or acceptance, to hold space in my body as well as in my head. The feeling of rising above thought is like a vacation in the mind. Incredible.

How do I feel now, ten days after the Lionsgate? Let me put my feelings in a beautiful picture. I feel like a newborn. Naked. Vulnerable. Trusting. At absolute peace. Loved. Without any 3D stuff. No identities. No wealth. No fear. No acting under constraint. No pleasing. Just existing by being myself.

Blessings, love, and light! May you get to this point as well.

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