Normally we tend to break up with a person in the programmed usual way.
Kind of: “You suck! I’m leaving now!” And than we never see that person again and moving on to the next partner. Nothing is solved nor better, just shifted but we still walk in old patterns.
In the old world a break up causes a lot of pain and one tends to just look and point out to the opposite, rather than to take look into one’s own inner issues, which – in most cases – causes the break up. We have to understand that the try to avoid looking into ourself makes things worse. We avoid to face our own issues, wounds, fears, darkness and whatever. So, rather than to finally take responsibility for our own feelings, emotions, thoughts, and action we use to give the responsibility to another person.
Kind of: “Your love solves me”
Nope! Doesn’t happen! Never! Ever! And that’s the reason of breaking up with someone, again and again, whatever kind of relationship it may be – doesn’t matter.
I remember a motivational speech from my youth that impressed me so much that I still be able to hear these specific words in the back of my head.
“As long as you blame someone else for anything, you’re about to give your own life into the hands of this person!” and it followed “Do you really want to live your life by the choice of another person?” Bam! In your face. 😀
It’s not a matter of age to understand that! It’s a matter of realizing whether or not you act like someone who loves to blame others for anything rather than to take responsibility for the own life.
So, how can I break up without hurting myself soooo much? How to break up a friendship without hurting the opposite?
There’s no way to not hurt yourself or the other! It’s impossible. As soon as you accept that special point, you automatically come to a place of inner peace. But that’s just for yourself.
What’s with the other person? You have to stay present, every. single. moment! while you’re breaking up. AND! You can’t take the pain from anyone’s heart! Accept that, go with that, go through it slowly and carefully. Put your judgment aside, observe the reaction and give time to breathe. Help one to find a way through it – if possible. You will be able to feel whether or not and how much this person is conscious.
When you’re dealing with a strong headed person, you’re mostly dealing with the Ego, and that loves the pain-body, suffering and drama. In that case allow the reaction to be. Just set your boundaries, don’t let this person put the blame on you as soon as this person tries to put you down, leave.
But let’s say this person listens to you and what you have to say. In this case be honest about you and your own feelings toward everything. Be honest when you know you have issues with yourself that you desire to fix. Be honest when it comes down to addictions, codependency, behaviors, and dreams on both sides! Be honest! And that’s the real deal – HONESTY. It’s to be honest about the truth that hurts – not the breaking up, not the other person, not the situation! Truth hurts, because humans like to avoid the truth.
YOU CAN’T AVOID THE TRUTH! YOU HAVE TO FACE THE TRUTH AND HEAL IT THROUGH FACING IT!