Here I was on the edge of the deep black rabbit hole, not knowing that I already was falling down, pushed into it by the Universe, not by choice nor by free will.
The Hell on Earth began, and obviously for my counterpart too. Heavy emotional purges of deep love and curses toward him and vice versa. The issue of physical separation, deep sitting fears from the past, past lives as well, and about the future. The fear of not being enough or worthy of nearly everything – but mainly not being worthy enough of receiving true love. And the fear of being alone. All these conditioned layers came up in short cycles – in combination with physical body pain in knees, arms, back, stomach, throat, but mainly the head because of all the downloads and information from spirit. I felt drained, completely robbed by my power. I wished to die several times, prayed to be allowed to leave the planet like in my youth.
One evening, my guides had to throw my cat against my head to take me out of a deep and very dark hole. And another time as I asked for confirmation, again, I found myself in deep pain pushed down onto the ground not able to make a move anymore. I was begging for mercy in tears. I made one sacrifice after another, was pushed to trust and to believe in my counterpart, this journey and was forced to talk about him and what’s going on – no matter how scared I was.
And I saw the progress of all that painful purging on him too. His beard became greyer over Christmas and his gaze changed from time to time from deep love to hate and back to love, because he felt exactly the same.
Completely new energies entered my life. Suddenly I felt another heartbeat, stronger and faster as he thought about me or about the strong pull, or this strange connection in the spiritual realms. I felt his intention to take impulsive action of coming forward, and the pain as he decided himself against it. I felt his energy around me, felt his presence under my skin or on my right side, felt his face in mine, his and my strong longing that caused new pain and new purges.
We literally became one, even without being together in the physical world. He was in Rome at this point in time until New Year and I felt his energy so close to me. As he left I felt the time difference again, the pain of letting go, his anger, could hear him cry, felt his despair, saw his thoughts about past events, got telepathic messages from a “Fuck You” and a “I like you” to an “I’m back soon, I promise”. And as he left I felt my own pain of being not good enough. However, all this pain and purging we triggered ourselves into revealed a new issue of our conditioning, programming or identification with whatever – mainly the Egomind that needed healing through releasing.
Our purpose as Twin Flames is to walk through the world, share unconditional love no matter whether or not we are united in the physical world and heal the planet. By the way, the first guy and Twin Flame who told about his truth and shared his unconditional love with everyone even his “haters” was murdered by doing it. It was Jesus. Although he wasn’t the first Twin Flame who shared his knowledge with the world.
I reached the following things through all those purges and painful days:
- Selflove (huuuuuge issue)
- Conscious actions
- Unconditional love (big issue)
- Putting myself first (big issue)
- Healing of past experiences through forgiving myself and others (big issue)
- Healing the fear about the unknown future (another big issue)
- How to speak my truth (one more time)
- How to not take people, places, things and situations personal (and again)
- Trust / Faith
- Believing in myself, my talents and abilities (big fat issue)
- Healing past lives (that hurt)
- Balancing out my own masculine and feminine energies
- Healing others
- Trust in my divine guidance
- Trust that everything is divinely orchestrated (big issue)
- Overcoming identifications with people, places and things (totally big fat issue)
- The fear of losing someone / of being alone
- Past traumas – like the loss of my sister 10/31/1992
- Judgmental behaviors
- Getting rid of false believe systems
- Being grateful for even the worst things
- Healing strong issues of CODEPENDENCY (…)
- Healing myself from addictions, patterns, behaviors (err, another issue)
- Healing from financial patterns – false believes about money
- Healing from self-destructive patterns, behaviors (here we go again)
- Most important – CONFIDENCE / SELF-WORTH / Authenticity
Every time a new issue came up, I faced step by step another fear, judgment, identification, co-depended behavior or fear-based situation. I heal and forgive – especially my Counterpart and his abstinence in the physical world. Now I know, unconditional love and space are always there. It never was his intention to hurt me, and vice versa. All this conscious purging to unveil the essence of human being, to shift the energies consciously to be free from everything. The alignment and inner freedom which follows sooner or later with the inner work on yourself is an incredible feeling.
To be continued in … Why Conscious purging?